It is almost a habit to analyse myself.
I do it everyday.
Day by day ... by almost few years.
But ... i always try to see ... the unseen from myself.
I analyse ... my weirdness.
... all the nonsenses and everything i do wrong on the stage of life.
And ... i ask myself why.
I ask myself 100 times a day .... Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! .....
Unfortunately ... i can't have all the time ... a clear answer.
Or ... maybe ... not even an answer.
Actually ... more i analyse .... i start to accept more and more that i don't know myself.
Yes ... I don't really know who i am.
But ... i would like to.
And ... still i can't do it.
Don't really know why ... but i just can't do it.
I can't enter into my soul ... and see all.
.... understand all.
So ... why?!
Most probably ... i don't know to connect to myself.
I don't know to read my own energies.
So ... even if i understand something ... i only see a small part of all.
Yeah ... i simply can't go beyond my boundaries ... and touch my soul.
Not really knowing who i am ... what is this large spectrum of energies i am anchored in ... i can't really see the truth.
I can't control myself.
Yes ...
So ... the pathetic show ... called my life ... goes on and lots of other weird things or nonsenses are happening ... having no idea why.
It's true.
But ... i also don't accept ... my disabilities of feeling, understanding ... and accepting who i am.
Most probably i just pretend that i can't find out who i am ... cause unconsciously... i know it.
And ... i just don't accept it.
I feel myself imprisoned in ugly energies ... with no real chance to escape from there ....
So ... the journey of life continues ... and it all becomes obvious when i am in situations of testing... my limits.
I become angry seeing it.
But even this ... is actually ... just another nonsense.
... cause i actually knew it was going to be like that.
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